Power and Control Wheel for

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans Relationships

HETEROSEXISM HOMOPHOBIA BIPHOBIA TRANSPHOBIA

VIOLENCE 

SEXUAL pushing shoving hitting biting twisting arms tripping

PHYSICAL grabbing punching kicking choking pulling hair slapping

USING INTIMIDATION

Making you afraid by using looks, gestures, actions

·         smashing things

·         abusing pets

·         displaying weapons

·         using looks, gestures, actions to reinforce homophobic, biphobic or transphobic control

USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Putting you down

·         making you feel bad about yourself

·         calling you name

·         playing mind games

·         making you feel guilty

·         humiliating you

·         questioning if you are a “real” lesbian, “real” man, “real” woman, “real” femme, “real” butch, etc.

·         reinforcing internalized homophobia, biphobia or transphobia

USING ISOLATION

Controlling what you do, who you see or talk to

·         limiting your outside activities

·         using jealousy to control you

·         making you account for your whereabouts

·         saying no one will believe you, especially not if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans

·         not letting you go anywhere alone

DENYING, MINIMIZING & BLAMING

Making light of the abuse

·         saying it didn’t happen

·         shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

·         saying it is your fault, you deserved it

·         accusing you of “mutual abuse”

·         saying women can’t abuse women/men can’t abuse men

·         saying it’s just “fighting,” not abuse

USING CHILDREN

Making you feel guilty about the children

·         using children to relay messages

·         threatening to take the children

·         threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans so they will the children

USING PRIVILEGE

Treating you like a servant

·         making all the big decisions

·         being the one to define each partner’s roles or duties in the relationship

·         using privilege or ability to “pass” to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your access to resources, or use the system against you

USING ECONOMIC ABUSE

Preventing you from getting or keeping a job

·         making you ask for money

·         interfering with work or education

·         using your credit cards without permission

·         not working and requiring you to provide support

·         keeping your name off joint assets

USING COERCION & THREATS

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to harm you

·         threatening to leave or commit suicide

·         driving recklessly to frighten you

·         threatening to “out” you

·         threatening others who are important to you

·         stalking